Every now and then I remember that Malbolge exists and I get to spend the better part of an hour cry-laughing at the world’s worst programming language
already starting off strong, but it gets worse
Wow! Sounds easy and intuitive to use! What’s the “crazy operation” you ask? We’ll get to that later. For now let’s see what a program in this language looks like :)
Thanks! I hate it!
it’s so difficult to work with that the first program was written by another brute force search program
mmmmm delicious base-3 arithmetic, what could go wrong? (For reference, that means this program forgoes the usual “0/1″ values of binary code in favor of a much more fun “0/1/2″ set of values)
ah.
Here’s how the language actually figures out what to do. It’s got 8 “simple” commands that can be executed easily by *checks notes* running the code itself through the modulo operation and taking the result.
As a bonus, on top of all that every single character in your code will now alter what every single other character does. So I hope you’re alright with cracking a cipher every time you add a new letter to your program!
oh god oh fuck.
behold, Malbolge’s primary arithmetic operation and what you’ll be using for most of your math while programming with it :)
This looks specifically designed to be the least logical math operation you could make, and knowing what the rest of Malbolge is I’d wager that’s precisely what happened. I never want to ever use this and it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever seen.
Anyways here’s the wiki page if you wanna read through it more deeply, I’m gonna sit here holding in my laughter staring at the hello world program again.
the guilty instruction gets encrypted so that it will not do the same thing next time
you are not so bad. so bad. you could be worse! you could be so much worse. you are not so bad. you are not so bad. you are not so bad. you are not so bad. you are notso bad.
you are you are so good. you are so amazing. you are a. you are a. you’re not. you are not.
okay, you could be worse. you could be even worse, actually. okay, so you are not perfect. and yet – and yet, if you will permit me this – you are not so awful either. okay. you could still be worse.
thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence
this is a man who has experienced The Public
“Look at me”
“Feels nearly as long as it’s been since I last updated, huh?”
Oh wow, that’s a lot of years. Let’s see if I can get the ball rolling again. I have about two thirds of an update that I’ve been trying to work on for… a while.
Stay tuned!
(If you’re new around here, I wouldn’t blame you for not seeing my webcomic.)
a massive cloud of paper airplanes descending upon a 747 and when they disperse all that’s left is a massive airliner skeleton picked perfectly clean of all flesh
Concept: a woman is holding hands with a robot, and the woman is wearing a shirt that says “I like my women like I like my keyboards” on the front and “mechanical” on the back, over an exploded view of a cherry mx brown keyswitch.
The robot’s shirt says “flesh lover” in the old recaptcha distorted text style. The back has “select all the squares with the cutest girl” and a 3x3 montage of photos of the woman currently holding her right hand.
